


Not Replacing Her

by NCISfan-28 (JaimiLee)



Category: NCIS
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Set season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 11:36:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaimiLee/pseuds/NCISfan-28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Abby goes to visit Kate's grave, she runs into an unlikely person - the last person she thought she'd see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Replacing Her

**Author's Note:**

> This is set sometime when Abby went from not liking Ziva to liking her more in season 3.
> 
> I - personally - think that Ziva's a little OOC, but I haven't actually ever had to write season 3 Ziva before, interacting with other members of the team anyway, so if it seems more like 'now' Ziva, that's because 'now' Ziva is what I'm used to writing when I'm writing her interacting with the team. So I'll apologise in advance for that.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or its characters. All mistakes are mine.

The morning was fresh; the breeze that swept through the cemetery was cool, crisp, the atmosphere quiet, serene. The beautiful green scenery only broken up by the dull colours of the tombstones - grey, black and the occasional white - at the maintenance sheds in the background.

It had been a while since Abby's last visit to the cemetery; work had been busy and the back-log of evidence on lower priority cases was building up. She was lucky to get the day off. Well, it was the weekend, but she had been trying to catch up, stressing over the amount of work that she needed to do over the coming days. As soon as she was done there, she was returning to her lab, the reason she was there in the first place, to just stop stressing for a while.

She slowly walked between the graves until she reached the one she wished to visit, clutching the brightly coloured flowers to her front while she stood at the end of the grave, reading over the words. The name, dates and a small saying that was all etched into the stone. Kate's grave.

The pain and grief of that day was still fresh in her mind, almost as if it was the day before. She still remembered the raw emotion when she was told Kate had died - been shot. The fear when she was shot at in her lab. But after the adrenaline had worn off, she was once again left with the grief and realisation that she wouldn't see her best friend alive again.

No matter how pissed she was she found out that someone - anyone - wanted to stand in the way of Gibbs killing the guy who killed Kate, it was no constellation to what it was like finding out that same woman who stood in their way was also Ari's half-sister _and_ she was going to be on Gibbs' team - _Kate's_ team. She had no right to do that. And not long after Kate's death either.

Abby didn't like the new girl. They - Kate and Ziva - were two different people. It surprised Abby that Ziva was fitting in as well as she was.

McGee took to her like a fly to honey. Gibbs seemed to trust her immediately, which was weird and he still treated her like any other newbie, any other agent. Tony seemed to be a little slower in warming up to her, but he did. Ducky seemed to accept her - but she didn't expect much less from the older doctor. The others though? She didn't understand that. Ziva David was Ari Haswari's sister. Ari Haswari killed Kate. They were just going to accept that a rouge Mossad officer's Mossad sister was going to work with them every day until her liaison position was over.

Abby's eyes washed over the stone once again before she knelt in the front of it.

"How have you been, Kate?" Abby asked the empty air while she searched for the jar for the flowers. "I'm sorry that I haven't visited in a while. Work has been hectic and I'm not even exaggerating, so I haven't had a lot of time."

That's when she found it. The small bunch of flowers hiding in the shade, dark pick and peach roses and white tulips. Someone else had been there. It wasn't that unusual. She had a family that loved her, and friends too. But she also couldn't find the missing jar. She shrugged, assuming that whoever was there before her couldn't find the jar either.

She crossed her legs and faced the writing, turning her back on the car-park and maintenance sheds. She laid the flowers on her legs, the cool of the petals strangely comforting her.

"I have so much to tell you, Kate," Abby begun letting go off all of her pent up frustration, stress and to some degree anger.

* * *

She didn't even know why she went there. It seemed like a good idea at the time, she had bought flowers and driven so far for a woman she had never even meet in the flesh - only ever on paper. It was no wonder she felt out of place.

The truth was; she did know why she was there. Even if she didn't want to admit it to herself. Israel was a long way to go to mourn especially when she wasn't even sure if she had forgiven him. She felt some responsibility that she needed to take care of, some responsibility for the fallen agent.

When she had arrived, the day was much colder than it was then, the temperature picking up quickly after the cold night. She made her way to Kate's grave. It was only too clear that it was a well tended to grave. There were flowers stuck to the tombstone with sticky tape, some were more recent than others, the older ones beginning to wilt. There was also a bunch of flowers beginning to wilt in the jar of water.

She looked at the stone, feeling many emotions before opening her mouth to speak, only to close it again when no words came. She scratched her forehead, murmuring, "This is stupid. It is not like she is going to be able to hear me."

She sighed, checking her surroundings with all her senses before focusing on the name etched in the tombstone, deciding she was alone. She felt foolish, stupid, but she also felt obliged to do it.

"Well, I am Ziva David. Ari's sister and have recently been placed on your team." She paused, wondering why exactly she was pausing, what was she waiting for?

"I feel obliged to apologise for what my brother has done. You did not deserve to do at the expense of Ari's obsession with Gibbs. Looking back now, it is amazing that I still believed him right up into the end," she said, giving her surroundings another sweep. "I have requested this assignment, the liaison position with NCIS for many reasons, and you - wherever you may be - probably know the reasons and therefore probably do not like me for taking it. Trust me; you are not the only one. But what I told Gibbs is the truth, well part of it anyway. Despite me being here, believe me when I say that I am not trying to replace you. I would never wish to do that. Your role on the team and in the hearts of the Gibbs, McGee, Tony, Ducky and especially Abby's is too great. I could not compete with it. But with that said, as long as they want me, I will remain loyal to them and do my best to protect them."

She paused again, wondering why she found opening up to a dead woman who she didn't even know easier than talking to the people who could actually comfort and help her. But she didn't want comfort. She didn't want help. As much as she was here to apologise, she needed closure too. Closure that she couldn't get anywhere else.

Ziva's dark brown eyes brushed over the flowers again then to the bunch of eleven she held. Was it right to remove the flowers from the jar - flowers from her family members or friends - only to fill the water back up and replace them with her own? She didn't think so. Something about it didn't sit right with her.

But that didn't stop her from placing her flowers in the shade cast by the tombstone and taking the jar. She removed the flowers, only to place them back in the jar once she had emptied the dirtying water from it. She walked to the sheds she past, looking for a tap and the possibility of finding another jar. When she did, she filled both jars to about two thirds full before placing the wilting flowers back into one of the jars.

As she was walking back, she noticed someone approaching the grave she had previously been at. She watched as the strangely familiar figure stood for a moment before kneeling and finally sitting in front of the grave. Ziva didn't stop approaching. As she got closer, she realised she wasn't the only one that attempted to maintain a conversation with a grave site.

It didn't take long for the figure to register as Abby as Ziva got closer, her black attire and gravely voice were a dead give away. She didn't have the heart to interrupt Abby, choosing instead to stand a few feet away - by the grave behind her.

"I have so much to tell you, Kate." After that, Ziva tried not to listen, but Abby's words kept demanding her attention.

"Remember Ari Haswari? Of course you do. He did kill you in cold blood," Abby said after a few minutes of talking about her work and a little bit about her personal life, which Ziva tried hard to ignore, until her brother was brought up. "Well, he's dead - thankfully. But he had a sister, a half sister, who tried to stop Gibbs from killing him. Which - yeah - is fair enough. She'd Mossad, an assassin and was part of Ari's unit. And she's on the team. The new Director - Jenny Shepard - signed orders allowing her to take some liaison position between NCIS and Mossad, all because she knows the Director. That's not even the worst part. She's on _your_ old team and everyone has just accepted her - let's keep in mind that she is related to the terrorist who killed you." Ziva smiled faintly, sadly.

She didn't blame Abby for feeling the way she did; she still wasn't sure how she felt about it - about the brother who was using every resource he had to aid terrorists.

"They've all just taken to her like they've forgotten you," Abby continued.

Ziva looked down at her feet. It was no secret that Abby didn't like Ziva, and Ziva didn't mind. She needed an outlet for the emotions she experienced; Ziva was willing to be that person for her. She wasn't going to hate Abby back for it. But at least she was beginning to gather an understanding behind her thinking.

"Gibbs _trusts_ her - okay, she did save Ducky's life once but that's beside the point. He took quicker to her than she did you, Tony and McGee together. And Tony... Well, you know him. Give him any woman that's easy on the eye to look at and they've caught his attention, they get along. I mean, he works with her most, and he trusts her too. McGee is treating her like they are best friends. It's like she'd replacing you, Kate, and the others are going to let it happen. But I'm not, I refuse to let it happen and I refuse to forget you."

Abby's words hurt. Cutting deep. Deeper than any knife of bullet that Ziva had been hit with. Part of Ziva wanted to interrupt, just so she could stop hearing Abby's words, but she just couldn't find the right words to say.

"Who got you these flowers, any way?" Abby asked the empty air surrounding them

Ziva swallowed. "I did."

Abby's head whipped around at the sound of Ziva's voice, her eyes finding and then training on Ziva.

"I am sorry, I did not mean to scare you," Ziva said as she walked forward, placing the jar with the wilting flowers where she's found it and putting the empty one beside it. "You can put your flowers in there if you would like. Mine can stay where they are."

"You heard me talking?" Abby questioned. Ziva nodded. "Sorry you weren't meant to."

"I was not trying to listen," Ziva said, "And it is okay. There is not secret about how you feel towards me, and I actually do not take anyone's opinions personally anymore."

"Why'd you get her flowers?" Abby asked as she grabbed the bunch of flowers Ziva had bought and mixed them in when hers before putting them in the water. She _did_ go to the effort of buying them after all.

"Dark pink and peach roses mean appreciation and gratitude while the white tulips represent apology. There are eleven roses in that bunch which represents that the recipient is truly and deeply loved. While not by me, but she is by a lot of other people," Ziva explained, "It is under horrible circumstances that she is here, that she was killed. I still feel the need to show her that I a grateful and appreciative of the opportunity that I have here and apologise for what my brother has done." Ziva stood back, watching as Abby rearranged the flowers.

"And I am not trying to replace her," Ziva stated. Abby looked up at her. "I am just trying to fit in."

Silence once again echoed through the cemetery before Ziva ran her hands over the fabric of her pants. "Well, I, uh, better get going," She said before she walked back in the direction of the cars.

Abby watched Ziva for a moment while she walked away staying at Kate's grave for a few minutes longer before also walking back to her own car; surprised when she saw Ziva standing near her car.

"My coffee has gone cold. There is a coffee shop down the road, about five minutes, I was wondering if you wanted to join come?" Ziva asked as Abby reached earshot.

"Um, no, that's okay," Abby replied.

"Okay," Ziva said, "How about you come with me, my shout, you can ask me anything, then tomorrow you can go back to hating me?"

"You're not going to kill me or anything?" Abby asked sheepishly.

"No, I would never do that," Ziva replied, honestly, "You might not like me much, but I actually like you."

* * *

Ziva seemed to be at ease while Abby was feeling a little awkward as they walked through the doors into the warm shop. Ziva walked to the counter to order while Abby chose one of the empty tables near one of the windows.

Ziva took the seat opposite her, but no words were exchanged between them, the silence beginning to fall awkward.

"Why were you at Kate's grave?" Abby asked.

"Tomorrow is Ari's six month anniversary. I thought it was time to get some closure about what happened. I needed to apologise for him. That would make Kate's anniversary today. That is what I assumed you were here for," Ziva replied.

"I didn't even know," Abby said.

"I would not have either if I was not looking at my calendar last night, going back a few months," Ziva stated.

"I meant what I said earlier," Ziva continued, "I am not trying to replace her. I know all to well the pain of losing a loved one. Be it a friend, co-worker or family. I know no-one can replace them."

"Then why are you here?" Abby shot back, "Why come to the place your brother died - to the people who killed him?"

"Because my brother also betrayed me, my family and our country. He also said some things about my father that has been proven true, and I cannot be around that until I get my head around the lies my profession and family hides. NCIS, this team - Gibbs' team. I never could believe that a group of people so different could be so close... Stable. I have much to learn, not just about investigating, and I cannot learn it at Mossad," Ziva said, opening up more tan she expected, more than Abby expected. After all, Abby had put her to a corner and had all but tried to ignore her; she wouldn't have expected Ziva to be so open with her.

"He was a terrorist," Abby stated, "Why do you believe something he said about your dad?"

"It's true." Was all Ziva replied with.

"How do you know?" Abby questioned.

"I just do. I have been thinking about it a lot over the past few months," Ziva said, "But that no longer matters. I am here now, trying to make a life for myself without my father, without his orders, lies, all of it--"

"Why do I get the feeling there is more to it than that?" She asked.

"Because there is," Ziva replied, "But I cannot tell you." Her voice holding traces of regret.

Abby looked away as the conversation ceased and continued to do so until their drinks came. But her eyes only flickered to Ziva for a moment.

"Abby, can I ask you a question?" Ziva asked, taking a sip of her drink.

"What?"

"You do not like me--"

I wouldn't say that I don't like you. Per say," Abby interrupted, trying to be polite to the woman who had just shared things with her she wasn't sure many other people knew about.

Ziva frowned, confused, but continued. "Okay. My question is, I understand how you may feel that I am trying to replace Agent Todd, but is there anything else that bothers you about me?" After a moment of silence she added, "You can trust me."

"Can I?" Abby asked.

Ziva's nod conveyed understanding rather than an agreement, until she replied, "Yes. You can."

"How do I know? You're _his_ sister. He tried to kill Gibbs; he tried to kill me and the Director. He _did_ kill Kate. He was a terrorist, he worked for Mossad, and apparently his - your - father is a lying bastard. Can you see why I am having doubts?" Abby questioned.

"I am not like them," Ziva stated, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest, not holding hostility but her face was void of emotion.

"How do I know?" Abby asked.

"Because I am here with you. Not in Israel, not working with terrorists. I would never do that," Ziva said.

"Why?"

"I had a sister that died in a terrorist attack," Ziva admitted.

"Which means that your brother's sister died too," Abby pointed out.

"Yes. But he also lost his mother in an Israeli air strike attack on Gaza," Ziva said, "Abby, I can promise you I am not like my brother or my father. I feared I was which is another reason why I am here. I will not double cross you or America. I will also not double cross Mossad. I will tell you anything so long as it does not put me at risk of violating Israeli law. I do want to get to know you better and it will make that and my job much easier if you let me do that or want to get to know me too. If you do not, that is fair enough, I can live with that," Ziva said, the hope in her voice which was tainted with something close to anticipated disappointment.

"Why do you want to be my friend so badly?" Abby asked.

Ziva's thoughtful frown returned. "Imagine this. You are a cat--"

"What?" Abby asked the conversation taking a different turn than she expected it to.

"Just stay with me. Imagine you are a cat and your whole life you have been surrounded by dogs, okay?" Abby nodded slowly. "Every now and then you meet another cat, but it is only in the passing never anything permanent. You are forced to trust these dogs, and they have to trust you back. But you cannot talk to them about... Cat things. Are you following me?" Ziva asked.

"I _think_ so," She replied.

"Now you are the same cat, but you choose to follow a different path. You are put into something that almost feels like another world. And there is another cat that does not seem to be going anywhere, and you don't want to go anywhere so long as the other cats and dogs don't mind you there. But you still want to get to know this other cat because she is different to other cats that you have met, even if the cat does not seem to appreciate your presence," Ziva said.

"Were the cats and men are the dogs," Abby stated more than asked with a laugh.

Ziva nodded with a small laugh accompanied with an equally small smile. "Well, I could have gone with bats and insects, owls and frogs, humans and vampires, if you would have preferred. But the message is still the same. Sometimes it is just hard to find company among the same species." She ran with the metaphor. "Not that I'm saying men are a different species... Anyway, I am not going to force you to be my friend."

"You just want to fit in," Abby stated.

Ziva nodded. "McGee does not want to be the 'Probie' or 'Newbie' anymore, he is happy I am here because now he is not. Tony is my partner, we need to have some kind of mutual trust, Gibbs and I have a... Shared experience. Ducky is just a good man. They are not forgetting her, or allowing me to replace her. They are simply doing their jobs," Ziva explained.

"I know, it just wasn't so long ago that Kate was at your desk not you," Abby admitted, "Shared experience?" She questioned.

"That is another thing I cannot tell you." Ziva smiled apologetically.

"Just out of curiosity, how did you know where Kate's grave was?" Abby asked after a moment.

"I was talking to Tony the other day at work, she came up, I asked," Ziva replied, "Although, I do not know what he thinks I would want to know for. Can you not mention this to the others?"

"Why not?" Abby asked, taken back as she swirled the last of her drink in her cup.

"Because I was not counting on you being here. I did not want anyone to know," Ziva stated, "It is hard coming to terms with some things. This is one of them. Old wounds do not need to be reopened."

Abby nodded. "I'll vouch for you if anyone asks," She promised, "Finished?"

"Yes," Ziva replied, pulling out her purse and placing some money on the table.

"Well, you tip big," Abby observed.

"Why not, I have it spare," Ziva said, falling in line beside Abby.

"Can I ask you a question now?" She asked.

"Of course, Abby," Ziva replied.

"Why were you checking your calendar and going back a few months in the first place?"


End file.
